


Ron Swanson Buffalo Benny

by Pronkbaggins



Category: Parks and Recreation, Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:22:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28209771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pronkbaggins/pseuds/Pronkbaggins
Kudos: 2





	Ron Swanson Buffalo Benny

It had been three days since his last near slip-up. 

Times were tough for vampires. People were constantly on the move, anxious, blood pounding in their veins. It was like having a hot meal right under your nose being pulled away just when you were close enough to taste it. But Benny LaFitte was past that. He had changed like a navy seal changes his expression when urine flees his body. 

The easiest way for a vampire to avoid murder is to feed off animals. Non-human meals were disgusting, but they would make do. 

But Benny was hungry, and when those hunger pangs sang in his stomach it was hard to ignore the sweet call of human blood. That’s why Benny was on the plains outside a small Indiana town. He pulled out his cell phone much like a bride pulls out her heart to scare her family and almost dialed Dean. 

He remembered their last conversation: 

“End of the line?”

“End of the line”

“Get the f*** out. No way. I am a vampire”

Wait, Benny may have made up that last part. Either way, it still hurt a lot. 

Benny wandered a bit across the plain, searching for food, when he saw what appeared to be a buffalo. He scratched his head. Buffalo weren’t supposed to be in Indiana. He tracked it until it suddenly disappeared. 

“Can I help you, son?” a voice said. 

Benny looked up to see a middle aged white man with a mustache standing in front of a cabin and leaning both hands on the end of a rifle stuck in the ground. 

“Uhh, just passing by, sir” Benny said with a tip of his hat. 

“Very good” Ron said “I’m Ron Swanson. This is my land.”

“Oh, well, apologies then” Benny smiled, spotting the buffalo again “I’m….Benny.”

Ron waved at Benny and turned around to leave. 

“Wait, sir” Benny began. 

Ron seemed visibly disgruntled by the possibility of continuing this conversation. Benny shoved his hands in his pockets and gestured with his head towards where the buffalo was. 

“Do you keep a buffalo on your property?” Benny wondered. 

Ron stared. “No.”

“I spotted one earlier” Benny said, feeling kind of silly. The man’s heart rate only went up when they were talking too much, but right now it was pretty stable. 

“Hmm” Ron answered, crossing his arms and walking back onto his property. Benny frowned. 

“Sir, I did just see a buffalo right here” Benny insisted “if you could kindly tell me if there is any more game or something to hunt out here-”

“Hunt? Yes. There are plenty of deer. Just no buffalo” Ron said with what Benny thought was a smile. 

The buffalo appeared again. Benny wasn’t going to let it get away this time. 

“Thank you sir” he said to Ron as he ran after it. 

As Benny approached the buffalo with precision, he noticed that it had a very familiar sort of face. It looked very done. It had a sort of mustache, which was odd for a buffalo. He could hear its heart rate was very stable. 

The buffalo looked directly at him. It was Ron Swanson. He had no idea how, but it simply embodied him. 

“I don’t believe in spirit animals” Ron said behind Benny “but that magnificent beast would be the closest thing to me.”

“Uhhhh---” Benny began, but they were both gone. Benny’s stomach growled. He sighed and found a bird to eat, wondering how in the world this day even happened. Half the world exploded but he continued to drink blood.


End file.
